life is rad. good friends are rad. laughing my ass off is rad. giggling hysterically about the epic failure of the magnificent success tickles me silly. it’s always bordering somewhere on hilarity or terror.

boy, where to begin. the past few weeks have made my summer complete and I am ready to check out, enjoy the cooler climates in scandinavia and brace myself for winter. actually, no bracing required, I think I am partially going to finland to waste time. to waste time till my babe comes home and snow starts falling again.

I have spent a few weeks in missoula with britt et al. and I don’t quite know where to even begin to explain how elated I have felt being with with people I truly love spending time with. also making lots of new friend, that I am thrilled to spend time with.

being away and coming back here reminds me how stale some people are in bozeman. it’s almost like real joy does not exist here. this summer has reminded me that, fuck, I can be awesome, shit, I can be fun. I love to laugh my ass off, I am a blast to hang out with and I am truly a good friend.

spending the past three years in bozeman has made me seriously doubt that. has made me think maybe I just got old, maybe I am difficult and stuck up. but fuck it, I am not!!! I realize now that it’s not so much me. it’s this fucking town with it’s stuck up bunch of assholes who can’t just have fun, for the sake of fun. what happened to just laughing your ass off? why is that completely lost with many of the folks I meet here? It’s nice to be home and sleep in my own bed and I have known for a long time that the only reason why I keep staying here is because of the skiing. I love being on this side of the divide, I just wish some people didn’t suck do bad. why is that? maybe with patrolling I’ll meet some more skiing folks. dare to dream.

I guess I am incredibly relieved that I can find so much joy in my life. I have been pretty depressed at times about the people in bozeman. I am relieved to understand that maybe it’s not all my problem as to why I don’t have that many adventure friends in this town. here all along I had been thinking that I got old, lame and stuck up. and that maybe I suck as a friend. it’s nice to be reminded that I am actually a very good friend to a lot of people. and I am a blast to hang out with. damn it. I’ve forgotten what it felt like to be surrounded by people who care about you, your friendship and appreciate spending time with you. spending this summer traveling and hanging out with friends who seem to be genuinely stoked about life and hanging out, and also meeting lots of new people that are genuinely FUN to hang out with, has made me relieved. and thus incredibly happy. and perhaps I don’t fret so much anymore about the lack of like minded friends in bozeman. I have James, and we have our few friends, and I am happy with the few I’ve got. and it keeps getting better, all the time, but it’s just really slow in the making. and obviously I need to just let go of some and let the chips rest where they fall.

James did ask me tho if we needed to move to missoula. god, I love that man. but we don’t. I think I like this arrangement, a lot. we spend winters here, ski and ski patrol, James leaves for the summer, we always have a house here and I get to roam around. perfect!

regardless, I have been biking my ass off in missoula, patched my tire with duct tape. had a few big bails. and epic failures, with epic successes. rode a bunch of cherries in missoula. partied with hot shots. bled profusely. drew up logos, picked colors. stayed at cabins or million dollar houses by the lake. watched columns of fire. loved life to every minute.

and most importantly came together with complete love for who I am. and certain friends whom I love dearly, who lifted my heart. who reminded me why I am worth loving. thank you for those, you know who you are. god, I love this life!

so there.