portland. a city where coffee shops put real flowers on their tables. where everything is cute and chic. where people don’t know how to merge. where men are not men, but hipster pussies. it’s lush, it’s precious. it’s streets and hip strips are a treat to explore. I’m checking out my favorite hikes. my favorite parks, breweries and restaurants. eating amazing food every day. hanging out with old friends I haven’t seen in years. I’m being a professional tourist in a city I used to know like the back of my hand. city I used to thrive in. portland is still weird, with it’s weird people. it’s odd discover that I don’t relate anymore. I feel like a country pumpkin, I feel like a montana girl. the amount of people, outfits and cute things is overwhelming. so is the traffic.

I realized wednesday morning while laying in my bed in Ennis, doing mental stock of all the things I need to accomplish with flying to finland out of seattle in two weeks with my dog and the totaled 4runner and the insurance claim and all… voi vee! …that I had to pack all my things for two months that day, and head west on a car shopping mission. I left in somewhat hurry. passport,. dog papers. shoes. check. headed for missoula, spent a lovely evening with my ladies. looked at cars and headed to couer d’alene friday morning. car shopping there yielded no results so I kept going. slept in my car outside of hood river, next morning rolled right into car shopping.

and so, I am in love with my new truck. sweet. I am stoked to have a car again I can appreciate. no more shitty teeny-weeny 4runner. I am impressed by my shopping abilities to have, yet again, landed on a really nice car. it’s worth it to put in the work and be picky. and comprehensive insurance pays. I returned the aloha today. this issue of the totaled car has been resolved and now I have a week to roam around portland. in my new tundra.

I truly live in paradise with an amazing life. seeing people here slaving away in debt working for a man, in a job they hate, doing the rat race is sobering in a way. I don’t think most people realize there is another way. when I moved to montana I sometimes worried about boredom, but today I miss home and it’s lack of people and development. it’s funny how we adapt and change. I love my gravel roads, mountain passes, wide open spaces and deer pastures. I love the cowboy culture, mountain culture. I love that everyone waves when I pass them (except when you drive a rental with Hawaii plates. aloha). I love seeing moose and bears on my morning drive to go run the gallatin river. I love that to me, seeing buffalo isn’t much different than seeing cows.

I had a run in with THE ex yesterevening. out of all the places, he caught me at walking man brewery in stevenson, washington. that was actually kinda terrifying and a hostile encounter. it’s insane how much anger he’s held onto over the 4.5 years since the last time I saw him. I can’t quite do stock of what he is angry at me for in the first place. it’s stunning to see his insanity from such distance and the strange conversation I had with him and his ex girlfriend (who appears to be on some kind of Jason-survival-club kick). the whole encounter seemed so fucked up and I am glad I have completely isolated myself from that type of drama, people, resentment and anger. holy hell.

despite of my personal turmoil and occasional drama, I realize today, my life is healthy and good. my life is filled with abundance, joy and (at times, overwhelming amounts of) freedom. my life is rad.                      you’re welcome!