James has been the first in a long time that I have allowed in, loved and allowed him to love me. and though events past don’t hurt me anymore and I am no longer carrying my cross. I feel like James has released me from all my heaviness and weight over all the things I carried with me for a long time. and all the apprehensions I had of letting myself be loved again.
but like in life. as always. nothing is ever perfect and James and I are two different people. I believe in the long run we want different things and we want to live our lives differently. I don’t know anymore what the protocol is for a relationship. what are our expectations and how far should we reach to get the things we want. unlike most things in my life, as I have said before, relationships are one I cannot control. is it really so that I have become the ultimate control freak, so set in my ways that I have a hard time seeing a life past my expectations and imagine different things?
I don’t have anything set in stone, but there are a lot of things of who I am and what I am willing to let go, or look beyond with proper care. how quickly do I sign off a love based on superficial factors? how important are a lot of these things?
relationships are exhausting, yet for some greater underlying cause, we still engage ourselves in them. I can’t escape the nagging feeling of inherently knowing, but not wanting to admit it to myself that even this relationship is most likely doomed and for all it’s worth; I can already see end in sight, but that end is probably there when I choose it to be. and I know that it’s probably up to me when it is.
can a pisces really fall out of love as quickly as she can fall in it?
I told James about my thoughts of us ultimately wanting different things. he's response was “like what? it's been pretty damn close with everything!?”
I think I let my past get in the way of believing that loving someone for years isn't possible. could it be possible that this relationship is one of undying love? cause when I really think about it, now that we've resolved that we love each other, there's nothing to hide, and we can be honest and open about everything, it seems that this is relaxing, simple and easy.
at first I was scared, frustrated, trying to reject him and a relationship. but now.. it's just how I would like it, and I think the same goes for him. us together just makes sense.
I told James about my thoughts of us ultimately wanting different things. he's response was “like what? it's been pretty damn close with everything!?”
I think I let my past get in the way of believing that loving someone for years isn't possible. could it be possible that this relationship is one of undying love? cause when I really think about it, now that we've resolved that we love each other, there's nothing to hide, and we can be honest and open about everything, it seems that this is relaxing, simple and easy.
at first I was scared, frustrated, trying to reject him and a relationship. but now.. it's just how I would like it, and I think the same goes for him. us together just makes sense.