I love being here momentarily with my friends and family. I love being finnish. I am grateful that I never quite had to let go of finland. and that especially now, I can begin to incorporate finland into my life in bigger steps and bigger doses. I am a finn, damn it. I am also an american. and I love many aspects of both. I also like being able escape both when I feel like it. I don’t want to choose between one or the other, nor do I feel like I have to anymore. the combination fits me. it suits me. it looks good on me.

I am in love with my life. aaaahgain.

I have plans of having a baby soon. in the next two years or so. I am not guite ready to give up my freedom and would like a couple more seasons of irresponsibility and reckless skiing adventures. I have a plan in place and I am working towards a certain goal. I think James is onboard with this as well. at least he doesn’t sound too opposed to it. as it is, he’d have a couple years to prepare himself for what’s to come. some aspect of this that might make him feel more comfortable, that he knows I would take care of everything and I can handle taking care of a baby and myself. not sure tho, maybe he thinks so, or is aware of it, maybe not. who knows, I never considered it until now.

hoewever, the truth of the matter is that it makes sense for me to give birth in finland and I have every intention of doing so. in essence I am setting things in line to eventually have the heath care and maternity leave of a finnish woman by the time I am ready for it. I think in the end, before it’s all said and done, I will end up spending upwards a year and a half in finland before returning back to the US with a child. James and I talked about this the other night and he told me he always wanted a pisces baby. funny thing, so have I. we have such a love filled house already, my dog never stood a chance. poor guy, all he knows is how to clear a cliff, run along my bike, swim and cuddle. cuddle cuddle cuddle. it’s almost a little embarrassing when he tries to cuddle with house guests and my friends. sometimes strangers.

strangely, and I feel slightly ridiculous about this, but the timeline of me being pregnant, prenatal care and eventual birth would fall nicely in line with James’ work and me being able to be in finland the times when I need to be, and if we were to get pregnant in may-june, he would be here in finland for the birth and the first couple months before needing to return to the states. and me following him little later with a four to six month old. meh.

I am a little embarrassed that I have planned this out so far. is that really so wrong tho, I feel like I have to start looking into the horizon for the things I want in my life and they way I want to do them. especially since I want to do this across two continents. I am kinda excited about working towards some goal like this… I have always operated with a long shot radar. I always see things further than tomorrow or next year. I have always been asking, and then what will you do?

haha! who is shocked here?

I have been working my ass off in finland. not like the insanity of christmas, but this time I have been able to get a lot of the work done that has been needing to get done. and I have a long list of things to do that keeps getting longer. I know that I am needed to do all this crap. often. but I like living at my parents, getting up early for my morning run, leaving by nine or eight for the hotel, spending all day working at the hotel. coming home late in the evening. reading a book and falling a sleep, to do it all over again the next day. everyone asks me if I am tired of always having to work when I come home, but in fact, I love it. I love everything about working at this hotel. there’s always so much that needs to get done and I barely have enough time to do everything.. or scrape the surface, really.