I got a hold of my life again sometime ago. it’s something you don’t realize has happened until you’re there. when I broke up with James and moved out of our house I know one of the things that contributed to my depression was a lack of having a place I felt I belonged to. even though now I only have a little 5 acre swath of land, it still makes me feel incredibly good. better than I ever thought it could possibly make me feel. what got me even more depressed in Bozeman was looking around me and realizing I’d probably never afford to live there. or more precisely, would never want to work that much to be able to afford to live there.

so depressing.

but I am now glad I don’t live there. I don’t much care for Bozeman. at all. I resent it a little even.

I was hesitant to move to Ennis at first. I thought I’d give it a try and see how I do. to my surprise, I found contentment, safety, peace, love, liberty and happiness amongst those cottonwoods, creeks, mountains and rivers. all that and then some. I found home. I want to live in Madison valley for the rest of my life in some form or another.

I feel like my life is again what I want it to be. or maybe spending a few years taking a hard look at myself and where I am at, eventually brought me to exactly where I need to be. where I belong. it isn’t so much a physical location as it is a state of mind. my heart is right. my mind is right.

this winter. starting January when I returned to the madison valley, it all started happened by feeling good, being re-inspired by the peaks around us. I just got tired of not givin’er hell. but without really changing anything. just feeling good. feeling whole.

here’s another thing I know. I love Mark. fuck. him, or someone like him. just how much, I didn’t realize until I spent time away from him. to see him and all of it for what it really is.

last week I signed my life away. I accepted large portion of ownership of the hotel. splitting with my sister. here goes.