the hardest thing I ever had to do is to walk away from someone I loved. and it’s almost sadly ironic that I once loved this person.

I promised myself I wouldn’t grant him this. but fuck it. I am changed because of all the things done, different now for the things I had to take, what I had to endure. awed by how much changed and like with all the things that ever have, fighting to ever acknowledge how much he changed my life. but things will never be the same. not in me. what’s done is done and and it’s sometimes sad how much I still carry with me. but I am living a chosen life that wouldn’t be so had I not been broken. things are better now and they will only continue to get better.

I can’t even remember how many yoga practices I’ve dedicated to letting go. how many deafeningly quiet skins I’ve spent crying and begging for myself to move on. to somehow come to peace with what’s been done. I’ve written it on little notes and carried them in my pocket. I’ve prayed on the altar. I’ve spoken it from mountain tops. I’ve looked everywhere to find peace to find something to spare me from it.

only time will.

it teaches you strength and self control. it makes you all old and mature and shit. it makes you jaded. I have joined that club. and makes you want to move out to montana and live alone in the wide open spaces. it makes you want to simply live. and fuck everything else…

so the child grows.

with a twinkle in my eye. without a grant to the person who caused this, I am the person who made it happen. the very person he hated and tried to brake. I am happy to report: she lives on strong and better than you ever dreamed possible, making more dreams come true that you could dream up. When you stand alone and scream out loud.. suddenly the people come out of the woodwork and you are forever amazed by how many came to scream and stand along side you. when you never asked.

i scream for you. i scream for this life and i scream to find love in so many places i never asked for it. thank you all for seeing me through. i owe you a life time of gratitude. i will always include you in my prayers and i wish i could share with you the summits i’ve seen. i’ve had my breath taken away so many times this year i wish i could give it to you. life is an amazing place and i send you all the love from my heart for all the things you love me for!    !!!   THANK YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE!