*I want you forever*

Perhaps the most meaningful sentence of the last few years of tying to hold on.

I will hold on to that. I will try to forget everything else and hold onto that to remember you by. I don’t want to remember how you treated me. I don’t want to remember how I felt less important. so many times. when I felt like someone who could be tossed aside.

I know you have never loved anyone the way you loved me, or the way we connected together. I know you know that we were built in pairs. Something neither of us knew until we met. Like I must have licked you bones clean in previous life. You must have shipwrecked in my ocean and my tide washed you to shore. Every part of me. Every inch of me. When I am with you feel every neuron. felt.

After years of promises I see it’s time to stop being so gullible and think you will ever leave her. I don’t think I am stupid for trying. I will not be embarrassed for trying. When I forgave you the first time, when you came back with promises of a better life, I figured that I have the rest of my life to be right. Yes, I can get hurt again, but I felt like I needed to give it a shot. If I didn’t try, I would regret it for the rest of my life. Try the whole, take-you-back-forgive-believe-promises-of-better-future. You kept saying *I will fix it*. For a minute there I did see you try.

I erased you tonight.