remarkable summer.

as I said, I hadn’t really been dating much. I had been too vulnerable. carrying the weight of my past on my shoulder. trying it on for size with Mark was good for me. really good for me.

but. there’s a few things I see now. like the part about how cold Mark actually was towards me at times. I understand where it comes from because I think I was emotionally completely closed off for quite a while for similar reasons. the inability to expel love towards one single person. it’s remarkable.

but he awoke something in me. and for that I actually owe him a thanks. I liked trying the dating thing with him. it was intimidating and I am glad I did it. he was almost too good to be true (on paper, anyway), but I see few things that I think would have made me miserable on the long run. to be frank, he wasn’t the most phenomenal lover either. granted, the sex did get pretty stellar once we learned each other, but no matter how you flip the coin I’m still a very passionate and affectionate person whereas he is not.

this isn’t really something I realized until the past week. and only notice this now cause I found something. I’ve known him for a while and it wasn’t until one random night after boating the trap last week that I decided to go home with him after gravel… and discovered an amazing lover. I don’t know how long this feeling will last. but.

I feel drunk.

never took him too seriously. not even after I slept with him. but the more I get to know him I am actually impressed by him. and the more time I spend with him, I realize how hot he is. his skin is soft, but he’s ripped. he’s incredible affectionate and I could drown in his arms. I want his skin to touch me every where and it’s just like that. when we’re alone his big soft hands are all over. grabbing hard at times and kissing me softly at others. all over my body. when we sleep he cuddles me to the point I have to push him away sometimes. he cradles my head on his shoulder and kisses me in his sleep. holds my hand. holds my pinky under the table.

he’s inviting me over for breakfast. wants to be around. all the time. we’re going to bozeman tonight to hang out with his friends. new territory.

there’s no denying there’s chemistry here. and as it turns out, he’s much more remarkable of a man I ever gave him credit for. I didn’t expect to like him this much. didn’t really expect to like him at all. beyond a lay. it’s surprising and has caught me off guard.