I come to my yoga mat to find acceptance. to connect with my mind and body. to allow myself –through pain and sweat– cleanse my thoughts. to let go, to find, to rebirth. or what ever it is I feel the need to work through at the time.

I do not come to my mat to experience resentment, judgement and anger.

I break the rules. all the time. I know this. Finland makes me want to break all the rules almost obsessively. I believe most rules were made to be broken and I’ve struggled with Finland since I was young. I always paint outside the lines and here it’s endlessly frustrating.

so I found a yoga studio I like going to. until I pissed off one of the yoga teachers. I was at a class with a new teacher. I don’t bring my hands together in vinyasa when I reach the top. there are a million variations of each pose and after practicing yoga for years, with a consistent practice at times in my life, sometimes lagging, but what has pretty much mounted to years of steady practice. I felt violated in my yoga practice. I felt resentment, judgement. frustration and anger.

I have never felt that way in a yoga room. my teachers have always encouraged listening to your own body, doing variations of each pose and doing what felt right to you that day. freedom of expression. I kept on with my practice, doing the poses with slight variations until she came over in the middle of the class and literally yelled at me. disrupting everyone’s practice at the same time.