beautiful is all around me. I am settling back into a life in montana. getting used to living in Ennis. driving jack creek. balancing all this. skiing new lines. exploring. through intermittent sense of deep loneliness from missing my family and feeling slightly lost without them, it feels good to be home. I live in a postcard.

it feels incredibly good to be alive. I feel clean and pure. cleanest I’ve felt in a long time. I told Ted I wasn’t sleeping with him anymore. now I just gotta stay resolved about my decision because he’s putting out some effort. I like him too much to be his booty call. I like myself too much to be anyones booty call. I like what I’m seeing in me. I like noticing how you beat depression. how you beat indifference. still couple weeks after arriving in finland I would occasionally cry myself to sleep. I was getting better, but I was barely on the other side of the abyss. when I can’t shake it, drowning myself in work helps.

all of a sudden I am dropped back into this world where I’d left a couple months ago. now it’s different routines, the mountain is gearing up for opening day. people have arrived and we had patrol training over the past couple weekends. good to see everyone. good to herd up with the moonlight patrol in the back corner of the auditorium in big sky. I like living in the seasonal world of the resort town. people shift into their winter roles.

few ski tours later. patching with ptex. ted is being a friend. hah! getting ready for opening day. the ski patrol has been slaving away. I’m ready.