I posted my truck for sale on craigslist. someone called. I posted it on there with one mere picture of it and asking for way more money than I think anyone would pay for it. and still someone called.

though I have accepted the fact that my truck is due, the time has come to move past the amazing times I spent with her. last night as I went to clean out her cavities, brush her teeth and comb her hair I came to realize how attached I am to her. it didn’t always used to be so.

I find it somewhat comical that our paths collided at some point and I believe we have equally helped each other. I took care of her, while she took care of me. that truck has had a history of being stolen, being in the middle of a few family disputes and it seems she has been fought over on numerous occasions. even I had to protect her for a long time from him, and even today still worry that she might get hurt if I left her out for the night in Portland if he knew where she was.

to me, she became to represent what was taken from me and how I could be saved. she was almost an equal part of my salvation and healing as the mountains were. she is what got me there. and in the end, she got me here too. we spend many hours on the road, sleeping on lake sides, mountains and so many beautiful views and places no one else saw with me. I spent many nights sleeping in the back and almost an equal amount of hours crying over the steering wheel on the highway, or screaming out singing flying down the interstate. going to places. driving away, yet to another place to take my breath away cause nothing else could make me happy. and not just to be happy, but to forget my crushing heart.

we’ve been together for so long. it brings a tear in my eye the thought of having to depart from an old friend. so many things I am used to with her that I don’t want to give up. at all.

while I may appear calm, inside I am kicking and screaming. hanging on with my teeth and someone might have to pry my hands off of her to drive her away from me. I am trying. I am trying so hard to be reasonable about this.

it’s only a car. a chunk of metal …that has amazing personality and I identify myself with her. who would I be in a Subaru outback that looks identical to all the other cars on the road? I want another that I could love and take care of as I have taken care of her.