it seems like a life time ago that I was still spending my energy on putting my heart back together. an eternity from the mass of the pain I now find almost unfathomable. it’s hard to think back and recall how much it hurt, hard to recall a sorrow so big that moves mountains. I managed to lived through it though and I am better now than I was. I thank my life for the strength I have been blessed with.

I remember when it all began, how shattering the loneliness was. a gaping hole that would not surrender, one I saw I had to walk into. suddenly I was completely alone with not many people to turn to. no one I wanted to talk to. I didn’t want to tell anyone. no one could offer any words of support or advice I wanted to hear. I couldn’t bare to even think about it and was horrified of momets spent immobile that would allow me any time to think about it. I knew all along I was only going to make it through it on my own. I would have to, no one could help me in any way and no one could take any of the pain I had. it was going to be a long hard road, but in the end, I would come out okay, most likely better. at the time it seemed so far away and I dreamed of the day when I would not hurt any more. the only thing I knew to do was to get in my car and keep myself moving until I would dare to talk again. until I dared to admit to anyone what had happened, what had been done. in the process I discovered the amazing world I live in, in greater depth than I already knew it existed.