I don’t write nearly as often as I used to. maybe that’s been deliberate. or maybe it’s just because I am happy and content. and the things I tend to write about are usually about love, life, loss or heartbreak.

today I am writing about love. again. because I want to remember this fleeting moment. I want to remember how this happens. I met Andrew.

I looked back riding on Challenger last week. saw him in the chair behind me. and my heart skipped a beat. I don’t know why. I saw him later in the tram line, I had left my poles down the line and had to walk back to get them. he was standing right next to my poles. stared at me as I marched up grabbed them, looked at him and marched off without saying a word. I panicked. I saw him again the next night at scissor bills. we were both drunk, as soon as we saw each other, “you!”

Few days later I ran into him at the triple and he asked if I’d ski with him. Proceeded to have a great day of skiing with him all day. He asked me over for dinner. Somehow, the connection is instant and mutual. I went over for dinner the next night and stayed. some point of the evening I heard him mutter something along the lines that him and I are the same person. oddly I feel the same way.

I know that this will only last for another month. He goes back to Australia, or where ever the fuck he goes. I go back to Finland and on with my life. I am trying to keep it easy and keep in mind that this is temporary. But what I want to take away from this, is that the lack of a steady partner in my life has everything to do with not meeting anyone I really wanted to hold onto. I let people orbit. I am guessing Andrew will orbit too. and I am ok with that. I don’t really have a choice. and maybe this is the relationship I have always wanted. I don’t need to see him all the time. like with other men I met last year, I think of them fondly and stay in touch. but let it run it’s course. I don’t pine over anyone, I don’t call or try to make anything happen. it’s good that way. I’m learning. I have settled into the fact that I am old enough to know that people really don’t go anywhere, they don’t go away and I can patiently wait until next time we see each other, and it’ll be just like it was. and old enough to appreciate my own life, freedom and space. I am old enough to understand that I shouldn’t try to make anything happen, if it’s going to happen, it just does. we’d run into each other again if we were meant to hang out.

Andrew immediately wants to spend time with me, travel with me. It’s like we’re already a couple even though we barely know each other. He wants me to stay with him. He likes sleeping together. even if it is fitful sleep because we can’t get enough of each other. I have butterflies and I can’t sleep. He kisses me all over, rubs me, cuddles me, wants to touch me. He didn’t even try to have sex with me the first night, instead massaged me and spent a long time making me feel good. The next day tho, we had sex 5 times between breakfast skiing and afternoon nap. Last night we had sex at night, then we woke up around 4am and had sex again until he had to leave early for a backcountry mission. He wants to come to Ennis, he wants to take me out to dinner, he wants to go to Cook city with me. he’s perfect. everything about him is exactly what I have always wanted in a man. he’s a bad ass skier. he lives on two continents. he’s got two passports. his lips feel good on me. I took my nipple rings out.

the attraction is mutual. 100% into each other. It’s incredible to discover someone you are so compatible with. I have been content being single and I have my own life going on, a life I am thrilled with. I haven’t really been yearning a partner, but I sorta knew that when it happens, it happens all of a sudden and it’s right from the get go. like I’ve said before, I have loved so much (and been loved) in my life that I have felt like I am ok with taking a break from it for a while. so, it’s startling when you meet someone that just fits. he asked me why I noticed him that day on Challenger. I lied and told him he looked like someone I know. which is sorta not true. but he made me do a double take. three takes.

drawn to each other before even speaking to one another.