I had a tremendous summer. to good to write about.

the best summer yet guiding. fuck I am good at it now! and I love guiding. because I am good at it. we had the best crew of guides so far this year. camaraderie. I am also good at running water. I finally feel like I am confident enough to grow with my boat. I run the sink straight up multiple times a week, don’t even flinch at the sink and run it blind. run it as a single boat blind. don’t care. and I have been asked a lot lately to guide for privates. to row boats on the madison side.

I didn’t slut. didn’t commit to anyone either. but they were both of note. quality over quantity. there were some firsts. hooked up with a guide after the rodeo. I had sex on top of a six stack. I had sex with a 25-year old. baby steps toward on my cougar-dom. gotta start somewhere to follow my aspirations. had sex on the patio roof of my sauna while the peterson meteor shower was going off. what a way!   ..or whatever it’s called. but you know, there were shooting stars during my moment of glory.

Lucas came back for more. so did they all really. I loved them all, and I asked nothing in return. it was beautiful way to love and be free. love freely.

after guiding season was over. I spent the rest of my summer in the madison valley. I barely left. I didn’t want to. the best place on earth. Nate showed up on my yard and I bought a paddle board. borrowed annis little red truck and drove that thing around with three surf boards in the back getting high fuves and peace signs from people passing by. Nate and I rallied aroind the madison valley. there was a lot of water, lot of ghost town breakfasts. Derby showed up too. I like the company. circle the wagons!

I finished my sauna. did the wiring and sheet rock. it’s ready for winter living. sold my trailer. so many changes. moving along.

true blond hippie with summer time water always on my mind. I am loved. I want this for the rest of my life.

Noona came to visit. she got on my bandwagon. yellowstone park on a rainy day. hiking the sphinx, norris, dinner at the shore’s. bear trap with derby and disco. missoula and britt’s. portland bike tours, breakfasts, mimosas and food. Kenny’s. I am relentless. excellent usa tour of my favorite places. honored to show her around and drag her around! yes!

I’ve been dreaming hard lately. they have been dreams of love, tremendous love. affection and swimming deep in the current. I find it blissful. they are mixed in with steady streams of anxiety over travel. always losing my ticket, inability to figure out which day it was I am flying. missing my flights. not making it to the airport. I am always going to the airport in every dream, but can never seem to get there. it’s akin to running in a dream. this does not cause anxiety tho. what causes anxiety in my dreams if the usual aspect of some sort of dooms day, deliverance, mass destruction of cities. fires burning, sky scrapers falling.

these are my reoccurring themes. the dreams are heavy. they are filled with magic, power, love and hope. they are not dreams of terror. there’s sometimes an aspect of frustration. but there’s a strong theme of overwhelming love and passion. passion takes many forms.

hand delivered. to my psyche.

I am ready. and receptive. to fall again. it probably wouldn’t take a whole lot. someone close enough to walk my way and I’d be all in.

I am already in love. I always have been. the object of my affection changes. I even love finland. tremendously. I like it here.

can’t wait.