so there I was.

red ants pants. what an amazing time. it’s like montana’s version of burning man. I see familiar faces. I laugh so much that my stomach hurts.

I loved and I loved. I laughed and I cried. shared amazing moments with amazing people. this amazing state, this amazing community. ranch hands and cowpies. dust. heat. cowboy boots and hats. late night tailgate band performances around the campground. wandering under the starry sky.

every band I saw was an amazing experience and I have never loved seeing live music anywhere as much as I have there. I had some heartfelt encounters with a few people I will remember for forever.

forever moved. akin to a religion.

I also ate enough mushrooms to fry me up for a few days afterwards. I felt somewhat dumb getting back on the river today. it also dropped from 1100 to 750 cfs. ouch. the rocks are here. the low water line in effect. a lot more yelling. more militant. still big tips and people are impressed. thank god.

driving around with my windows down, with my hair flying out the window. rallying dirt roads.

guiding on the gallatin used to freak me out. it makes me a little nervous still running house rock. but I find myself calm, what’s the worst that could possibly happen!? hah! we’re fine. I like being calm. I get mean when I am freaking out.

I am a little stunned by recent drama in my life. I moved three states away five years ago to get away from a certain asshole that scares the crap out of me. I found out about a week ago that some crazy woman in missoula has got a thing for him and is actually moving him to Missoula.

I am horrified.

she wrote me a message on facebook and told me she believes she is in his life to awaken him to his divinity. she is going to be the person to lead him on this spiritual journey and will show him the way.

seriously? this is actually what she said. verbatim.

how can I make this person from my past go away? for forever and for good? I made a mistake a long time ago and I want to move on from it. I had hoped that moving three states away would have done it. and now he is moving three hours away from me to a town where I spend a lot of time in.

there might be a restraining order in my future. last time I ran into him he wanted to punch my face in and drown me in the river. verbatim. again.

about 20 hours. that’s about how long it takes. to be with one person in the same car to get your boats and dogs and mushrooms to the rogue river. sweating bullets at the put in gearing up and trying to get your shit together. we did well. neither backed out at the last minute like each of us surely thought the other might do. we really did that.

about two hours outside of bozeman on our way back, when we had both been over driving since Hermiston, OR, it dawned on me that there really aren’t many people in this world I would be willing to get into a car with for that long. I am having a bromance with Alex.

rogue river was amazing. I loved rowing my boat and I had two of my favorite people with me. and my dog.

gallatin river makes me tired. I have good days and I have bad days. and the good days really make it worth it. the bad days really make you wonder why the hell you are giving up your time to do something that pays you peanuts. now I am working everyday. it’s a lot to ask, but somehow I love to be punished. I love getting on the river with the crew, running a trip and getting back to the boat yard to regroup. talk about our boats over beers in the boat yard.

I’m doing it for the discipline. I said I would. my name is on the board.

It’s a weird feeling. and great to be good at something like guiding a boat. on the tricky as fuck gallabezi. when I think about guiding a boat, I get nervous thinking I’ll fuck up. I toss at night worrying about putting people through bad swims or pinning a boat. but somehow people stay in the boat, people are stoked, we make it to the take out and they tip me.

I go home for another lavender epsom salt bath.