I was laying in bed this morning in the whee hours as the dawn was starting to light the sky. with moose on the floor sleeping right next to me. I turned to look at James who was sleeping by my side, he reached over and kissed me half asleep. for a moment I had this sense like something wasn’t enough, like I was supposed to, or that I had some obligation to ask more out of life or to go do something. and then I relaxed and exhaled to the thought that I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything. life is perfect. right here, with my little family. I can get out of bed slowly, take shower with my boyfriend, take the dog for a little walk, make a cup of coffee and play with him in the morning and watch him make his first solid poop since he’s been home. yey for poop!

I am about to break up with paul. the time has come. it’s time to move on. I am sad to say, I have enjoyed working for him and I really appreciate him making my arrival in Montana possible. allowing me to live my retired life for a while and relax after living such a hectic life during and after school. I had been in need of a break and it was heaven sent. unfortunately however, I have recognized a need in me again, a need to do something more meaningful again. something that will reward me personally, so I have to move on. it’s no longer a choice, it just needs to happen! at some point I felt a little worried about having a job in montana, but only in the past couple months I have remembered again that I am an asset to anyone and I have jobs to choose from. therefore, I am moving on to work on things that I believe will better benefit my future.

thanks.

I entered the pound and was greeted by a cacophony of howling, barking and crying. everyone just wants out. everyone just wants to be loved. each and everyone of them, that’s all they would die for. there were several puppies, each more adorable than the last or the next. I spent a whole afternoon there. when I drove down to see this one dog, I couldn’t ignore the fact that even he she wasn’t going to be it, someone would be. I knew that whom ever I did not come home with, would not make it another day.

I walked several dogs and the least likely candidate at first, looked up at me and picked me out of the crowd. he was calm, scared and pleaded at me with a look that seemed to say, I am better than this place, take me away from here! and get me away from this stupid angry brother of mine.

so he came home with me. first so scared and worried I was going to leave him again, he quickly started to come out of his shell and play happily with anything I handed him. in the first couple of days he’s already learned to sit and go potty when I tell him to.

it’s a staggering feeling to have someone regard you as their mom. even with James around, Moose doesn’t want me out of his sight. he’s adopted me as his mom. I have forgotten how great it is to have the companionship of a dog. I have also very quickly turned into mom, that I hear everything he is doing in the back of my awareness. I discipline him, I feed him, I worry about him being sick, or if he’s poop isn’t perfect. I still worry terribly that he may have gotten something from the pound as he was so young when he got there and has been there for a whole month.

I really hope he makes it. in the short time we’ve been together I have learned him to be very obedient, calm, and very quick to learn new things.

bless his heart, keep my fingers crossed!

new opportunities are brewing. I am excited about the potential, I am wasted by dreams of a future I would like to have. I have everything in order, I have been working towards a certain kind of a goal in life and I am thrilled about the potential looming in my future of making some of these dreams come true. there’s lots of work ahead. lots of hours to donate for future. money and career, for an even better life. for an easier future. one that fits kids, house and a husband /!/

I have a nice life. I have a wonderful man in my life. he cooks for me, cleans, watches out for me and takes care of my things, makes sure I get out of bed when I need to. we have been together for little less then a year now. and during that time we have only really fought twice maybe. once for sure. we get annoyed with each other sometimes, but that happens for anyone. even then we don’t really fight. nothing ever escalates unless one of us just decides to pick a fight. and often we don’t decide. we both don’t bother to fight much. it’s just a waste of time and there always seems to be an ocean of understanding between us. like we share an unseen bond, that is not understood by anyone else but us. only we know why and how it’s possible. life is just so easy with us together. I am trying to decide which are the things that are most important for me in a partner. if career is not on the top of the list of requirements, does the simple fact of being able to LIVE with this person matter the most? should it? can I drop importance of a career from the top of my list? what would my mom think?

and it’s snowing outside. I have been skiing all weekend and my thighs are sore. endless powder. faceshots and knee deep fluff. I am breathless, happy and content.

and excited!