I don’t know much else that gets me out of bed early, no matter how I feel that day. nothing else that would make me drive for miles early hours in the morning, if the report calls for several inches. when I arrive to the base of the hill, I know this is where I belong. this is where I am confident, this is what makes me content and happy. when I put my skins on, I fall into a rhythm that fits me better than any other activity. and nothing else matters.

snow defines me. makes me and grows me. snow challenges me, makes me smile and makes me anxious. I love a sight of a snow capped peak more than anything else in this life. I have been at snow since I was born, I wouldn’t know a life without it and I dearly hope I won’t have to in my life time.

James and I had been planning to go to the Bechler hot springs the whole summer, but it seemed we never got a good window when James would have had his two days off, so finally a weekend in October we decided we should go for it.

the weather forecast called for 70% chance of mixed rain and snow for sunday and the trail description detailed two river fords and a slough. ranger reports the slough being mid thigh. much the way that James and I both go about the things we do, it seemed like it just sorta happened. neither backed down from the plans. we are both more than capable, but still when we found ourselves at the trail head on saturday, packed an loaded, looking at each other ‘well, here we are’… we arrived with the knowledge that this was going to be wet, cold and unpleasant, but neither said as much as a word to back out of it. probably in the fear that if it was mentioned, we, once again, would be like two fish swimming in circles around each other, watching time go by. especially since the forecast had now changed from 70% chance to a 100% of 3-5 inches of snow.

we hiked in, forded rivers, crossed several on logs, it was a misty day. we took compass readings and verified our path for the way back in case we woke up to snow or had to hike back in a blizzard across the vast meadows. found some hot springs and laid in them for a while as it got dark, drank whiskey tea and I loved being there with him! all the while I thanked him for making me do this. he seemed baffled by me thanking him and said it was the other way around. it seemed like neither really planned for this, but neither really backed out either, so it just more or less happened, that we found ourselves there.

in the morning we woke up to freezing rain, in a pool of water and everything was wet and frigid cold. we packed up with numb fingers, bundled up and set out for the looming river crossings. after the last river crossing, I clambered to the other shore and with shaky numb fingers and chattering teeth pulled my back off, dried out what I could and got my pants and boots back on. nothing like a fucking hypothermia to set in. after that one I just couldn’t really get warm again, the cold set into my bones and creeped in to my torso. oh well. only a few miles out.

we got to the car, stripped naked, enter through the back and left wetness to the rear, turned up the heat and appreciated the warm woolly clothes we had brought along to change into when we got back, since we knew we’d be miserable. made a hot brew and drove to Norris hot springs and shook off the rest of the chill from our bones.

the whole weekend really reminded me of the pacific northwest. minus the hot springs.

I am in a holding pattern. the fall is making me wait for something. making me wait for snow. in the mean time I feel like I don’t do much. sitting around, knitting, eating chocolate, reading books. taking weekend road trips by myself.

just driving. driving to see new towns. stopping to sniff waterfalls and read about pioneers. taking detours on dirt roads. what’s at the end of this one? drinking beers at some local pub on the way. dropping into a valley behind a mountain range. getting a ride on a harley in the crisp and sunny fall air. partying in my car in abandoned campground. in a blizzard. everyone has left. the resort towns are waiting for the next season. roads are closed, I chase for a map to show me the way around the mountains. where do I go now? watching clouds roll in, staring at peaks, picking my line. can I hike to that one?

life is beautiful.

a month went by since the last time I saw James. in the mean time I knitted him socks. they don’t match, they are a random collection of colors. even knitted some pink in them. I think he was baffled by them, kinda liked them, but was just confused by the fact that I knitted them. or that I made him socks. the whole thing, I don’t think he knew which part to be baffled by.

then he asked me if I would teach him how to knit. that’s the last thing I expected him to ask me.

it takes two days to be sure. two days to remind me. I am still happy he is with me. still when I look at him, I feel relentless joy that he loves me. i haven’t met anyone in a long time that was such a combination of painful honesty about who they are and with that honesty comes a trust and faith in knowing that he will always treat me right. he spends so much time in making sure that I am happy that I think he sometimes forgets to make himself happy.

I love finding him here. love finding him in my bed. love knowing he’s close. in this town, somewhere near. I have a friend, someone I can talk into getting in a boat or doing a bike ride. or both.